I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
