Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
