Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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