When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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