Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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