i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
