i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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