You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Randomize
