you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
