Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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