My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
