Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
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