We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
3pm strippers are depressing
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
