my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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