Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
