how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
