Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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