I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
