some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
