remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
