you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
