i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
