Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Randomize
