I just pynch a tree in the face
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
