are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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