If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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