Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
