i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
