I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
