I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
