Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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