I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
