Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Ambien. No doubt about it.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize