I'm so fucking centered right now
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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