I want to stick my p in your. b.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
