apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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