You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
