It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
