If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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