So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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