I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
