Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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