my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Randomize
