I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
