I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
