I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
