i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Randomize