If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
