My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
