I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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