shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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