Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
