i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
