I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
