Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
