I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
