Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
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