so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Randomize
