I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize