Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
