I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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