I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
