The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
