Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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