just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
