I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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