she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
