Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
