i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
