I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
