Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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