he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
