So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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