I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize