Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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