We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
