On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
