U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
